lucky girl

I got back from burning man but still have dust in my brain. I am so busy. I get to volunteer at my kids school 2x a week. It's an incredible privilege to be in the class with them. They have inspired teachers who work really hard. I am a very lucky mom. Our public school are so broken. We pay teachers just above minimum wage (one of my kids has a teacher with a master's degree!) and we crowd up to 36 kids in a class. We are truly blessed to be at charter school that nourishes kids souls and encourages them to be inquisitive and love learning. So once again burning man has filled me with the drive, inspiration and motivation to make the world a better place, starting at home.

Burn baby Burn

I am headed to the desert. The middle of the desert, to be specific. No running water. No electricity. No shade. No cell phone, No internet, No bathroom,No kids. No husband. One week.

Burning Man.

A radical art festival that nourishes my soul. I have been once before, a couple of years ago and it was transformative. It changed the way I see myself, treat myself and express myself. I am hoping for a refresher next week. There will be lots of dust, blazing heat and my artsy, hippie friends. This is "me" time. I spend one week replenishing my creative energy that composes the center of who I am. It takes an extreme enviornment for me to let go. I can't call and check on the kids, I can't check my email. I have no choice but to sit back and let it all go. I am enjoying the ride.

Lost and Found.

It finally happened. It was probably inevitable with 3 kids and my crazy life. I lost one of them. We were at the beach, it was time to go and we packed up and left. I thought hubby had the baby, he thought I did and we were not walking together so we didn't notice that he wasn't with us. We made it all the way back to the car ( a 10 min walk) before I caught up to hubby and we realize. Panic. I always thought about what I would do, or how it would feel but there is no preparing for that moment. My mind went blank and I dropped my bags in the middle of the street and just started running, faster and faster, screaming his name. Through the parking lot and weaving through moving cars. It didn't feel real, so I wasn't crying. I don't even know where hubby was or what he was doing, I was just running as fast I could back to the beach. I heard him before I saw him, a mom can always recognize her children's screams. His screams were a huge relief. He was alive. Frantic searching to pinpoint his screaming, I found him in the arms of a stranger. A woman who looked almost as panicked as me. She must have recognized the look of terror in my eyes because before either one of us could speak, she was handing me my scared baby. Once he was in my arms the walls closed in an I started sobbing into his sandy brown hair, squeezing him so tightly. Moments later hubby and the other kids ran up behind me.

Of course, all of the "what ifs" ran through my mind. But the one that stuck was " I am a bad mom" Hubby must known immediately what I was thinking because he said "we made a mistake, you not a bad mom". It's a mute point. I made the worst mistake a Mother could ever make. I am not going to dwell, I am going to take it as a sign that I need to slow down. I need to refocus back on my family and less on work and other distractions. I have been feeling very lost lately and this was a huge eye opener for me. Today I am grateful for strangers who watched over my baby and the opportunity to take a step back and reevaluate my priorities.

shape of a mother

So I sometimes struggle to know if this is a personal blog space for me or if I want it geared more towards my professional life. Today I came across this website called Shape of a Mother. After some explorations of the site, it seems like a fabulous place for women of all shapes and sizes to find their voice and begin their journey towards self acceptance. Over the course of the time that it takes a to grow a person inside, a woman's body must adapt in many ways. Just as during birth a woman's body continues to evolve and change to allow birth to occur. This transformation continues into mothering where time at the gym is easily traded for time reading books or catching frogs in the backyard. This website can be an empowering tool for mothers who no longer wish to be shamed for there "evolved" bodies. My favorite part of the site is the "save our daughters" section. As a mother of a 5 year old daughter, I struggle constantly to provide her with a nurturing environment to allow her self esteem to grow. I try to set a good example of what a healthy body image is but the ideas in this sections were refreshing. Check it out and let me know what you think.

Family Time

lots of exploring here. What a fun place to live. Everyday there are new things to do, place to hike and explore. My Dad is here now visiting and we are doing new things each day. Here is a shot on the 18th green of Pebble Beach golf course. Tomorrow whale watching!

Blackout

SO the big news here is that we have decided to do without TV for the 18 months that we are living here. We will see how it goes. I don't think that kids will care too much. We were never big Tv watchers and out here you have to have sattalite service and it's expensive. We got a Netflix subscription and we will see how life changes. I don't think that there is anything on TV that I can't live without. I am not against TV or anything I just think it will be a good opportunity to find other things to fill our time with. Espessially here where there is so much to do. We went down to Cannery Row yesterday and it was very nice. It looked like a great place to have a date night if we ever find a babysitter out here. Bubba is finishing up a week at camp. He did not love it. It's been hard for him to adjust out here and make friends. He thought it would be instant but school is still in session out here and the kids are few and far between during the day. It will get better but it's a bumpy ride.

17 mile Drive

we took a much needed break from unpacking and went for a drive.... Sea Lions, Seals and whales were waiting to greet us to California. It's gorgeous here!