lucky girl

I got back from burning man but still have dust in my brain. I am so busy. I get to volunteer at my kids school 2x a week. It's an incredible privilege to be in the class with them. They have inspired teachers who work really hard. I am a very lucky mom. Our public school are so broken. We pay teachers just above minimum wage (one of my kids has a teacher with a master's degree!) and we crowd up to 36 kids in a class. We are truly blessed to be at charter school that nourishes kids souls and encourages them to be inquisitive and love learning. So once again burning man has filled me with the drive, inspiration and motivation to make the world a better place, starting at home.

Burn baby Burn

I am headed to the desert. The middle of the desert, to be specific. No running water. No electricity. No shade. No cell phone, No internet, No bathroom,No kids. No husband. One week.

Burning Man.

A radical art festival that nourishes my soul. I have been once before, a couple of years ago and it was transformative. It changed the way I see myself, treat myself and express myself. I am hoping for a refresher next week. There will be lots of dust, blazing heat and my artsy, hippie friends. This is "me" time. I spend one week replenishing my creative energy that composes the center of who I am. It takes an extreme enviornment for me to let go. I can't call and check on the kids, I can't check my email. I have no choice but to sit back and let it all go. I am enjoying the ride.

Lost and Found.

It finally happened. It was probably inevitable with 3 kids and my crazy life. I lost one of them. We were at the beach, it was time to go and we packed up and left. I thought hubby had the baby, he thought I did and we were not walking together so we didn't notice that he wasn't with us. We made it all the way back to the car ( a 10 min walk) before I caught up to hubby and we realize. Panic. I always thought about what I would do, or how it would feel but there is no preparing for that moment. My mind went blank and I dropped my bags in the middle of the street and just started running, faster and faster, screaming his name. Through the parking lot and weaving through moving cars. It didn't feel real, so I wasn't crying. I don't even know where hubby was or what he was doing, I was just running as fast I could back to the beach. I heard him before I saw him, a mom can always recognize her children's screams. His screams were a huge relief. He was alive. Frantic searching to pinpoint his screaming, I found him in the arms of a stranger. A woman who looked almost as panicked as me. She must have recognized the look of terror in my eyes because before either one of us could speak, she was handing me my scared baby. Once he was in my arms the walls closed in an I started sobbing into his sandy brown hair, squeezing him so tightly. Moments later hubby and the other kids ran up behind me.

Of course, all of the "what ifs" ran through my mind. But the one that stuck was " I am a bad mom" Hubby must known immediately what I was thinking because he said "we made a mistake, you not a bad mom". It's a mute point. I made the worst mistake a Mother could ever make. I am not going to dwell, I am going to take it as a sign that I need to slow down. I need to refocus back on my family and less on work and other distractions. I have been feeling very lost lately and this was a huge eye opener for me. Today I am grateful for strangers who watched over my baby and the opportunity to take a step back and reevaluate my priorities.

shape of a mother

So I sometimes struggle to know if this is a personal blog space for me or if I want it geared more towards my professional life. Today I came across this website called Shape of a Mother. After some explorations of the site, it seems like a fabulous place for women of all shapes and sizes to find their voice and begin their journey towards self acceptance. Over the course of the time that it takes a to grow a person inside, a woman's body must adapt in many ways. Just as during birth a woman's body continues to evolve and change to allow birth to occur. This transformation continues into mothering where time at the gym is easily traded for time reading books or catching frogs in the backyard. This website can be an empowering tool for mothers who no longer wish to be shamed for there "evolved" bodies. My favorite part of the site is the "save our daughters" section. As a mother of a 5 year old daughter, I struggle constantly to provide her with a nurturing environment to allow her self esteem to grow. I try to set a good example of what a healthy body image is but the ideas in this sections were refreshing. Check it out and let me know what you think.

Family Time

lots of exploring here. What a fun place to live. Everyday there are new things to do, place to hike and explore. My Dad is here now visiting and we are doing new things each day. Here is a shot on the 18th green of Pebble Beach golf course. Tomorrow whale watching!

Blackout

SO the big news here is that we have decided to do without TV for the 18 months that we are living here. We will see how it goes. I don't think that kids will care too much. We were never big Tv watchers and out here you have to have sattalite service and it's expensive. We got a Netflix subscription and we will see how life changes. I don't think that there is anything on TV that I can't live without. I am not against TV or anything I just think it will be a good opportunity to find other things to fill our time with. Espessially here where there is so much to do. We went down to Cannery Row yesterday and it was very nice. It looked like a great place to have a date night if we ever find a babysitter out here. Bubba is finishing up a week at camp. He did not love it. It's been hard for him to adjust out here and make friends. He thought it would be instant but school is still in session out here and the kids are few and far between during the day. It will get better but it's a bumpy ride.

17 mile Drive

we took a much needed break from unpacking and went for a drive.... Sea Lions, Seals and whales were waiting to greet us to California. It's gorgeous here!

house

We are having a hard time with the housing out here. We were offered a very small 1400sf duplex on the base here. We also found a much bigger 4 bedroom house off the base but it's not available until July. I am having a hard time imagining life in  a hotel for a month.  But 1400 sf would be teeny weeny for us. we have to decide today because our truck comes tomorrow and our stuff either  needs to go to storage or we move into the tiny house.... decisions decisions.....

Day 1

Maryland, Pennsylvania, Ohio and Indiana

The baby hated being in the back of the van so we moved him up to the middle. He still hated it. It was rough but we got to South Bend much quicker than we were expecting. We stopped at an awesome playground in Ohio for a picnic dinner (there is only so much McDonalds we can eat!) This hotel is a bit of a disapointment with no pool (dispite the web site that advertises a pool), but we have a kitchen so I am making eggs for breakfast before we hit the road for Omaha. I forget how flat the middle part of the country is! Bubba did great and even woke up this morning really excited to go to Monterey. We will see how day 2 in the car goes. Hubby and I have not run out things to talk about yet! I guess thats a good sign!

I packed these big ziploc bags with goodies for the kids (like DVDs, stickers, books on tape, coloring books ect). They have a bag for each day and for every hour that they don't whine, they get a prize. It was a bug success today with only one kid faltering once. Hopefully the enthusiasim will keep up! Our plan is to find a nice playground after breakfast so the kids can run around and get their energy out before we leave.

last day

Today is our last day as east coasters. The house is empty. I am taking cupcakes to the kids schools today and I made little notes for them to hand out to their friends with their email address's on them.  Bubba is still taking it hard but he is coming around. This morning he even suggested that we just leave tonight so we can get to California faster.

The good news is that I called ahead to the housing people and looks like there is a chance that there are some houses we could move into immediately. This is great news because our things wont have to go to storage if we get a house next week. We have appointments on Wednesday to see them. Now we just need to do some research about the elementary schools that Bubba would go to depending on where we live. Maya is starting Kindergarten and was accepted to a charter school (Bubba is on the wait list). Things are slowly starting to fall into place. It would be great if we had a house to move into when we get there!

reality

We went camping this weekend in PA. Mostly, I planned the trip to avoid reality. The movers come tommrow. My oldest, Bubba (6) is taking it the hardest. He is an emotional kid and this move is very hard for him. I moved a lot growing up so I can relate. I was hoping that this little get away would help him get away from the stress of the move. But it was all waiting for us when we got back. We leave Saturday. I know we can do it, I just don't want to. I try to talk positive about the move and how much fun it will be in California but I don't think the little ones really believe me. 

Camping was fun none-the-less. The kids did great on long hikes and pond swims. Archery, marshmellows and finding turtles & lightning bugs rounded out our days.

deep breathing

movers come 1 week from today. Storage people come wednesday. life is crazy. Every once and while I stop and think " I can't believe we are doing this again". 8 moves in 9 years. Either I am getting old or the novelty is wearing off.  We decided  (a long time ago) that it would be a good idea to go camping memorial day weekend. So everything has to be ready for the movers by this thursday because we leave friday. This move seems so much harder than the rest. I have done this by myself before but for some reason this time is proving to be a big challenge. Everyone keeps telling me how beautiful it will be in Monterey, but heart is just not in it. I will keep an open mind. It's hard to leave home, no matter how old I am.

coming soon...

I have decided to blog my way cross country with the kids. It's going to be fun, scary and overwhelming all at once. Stay tuned for details. We set sail May 30th!

Blessed Birth Day

I was honored to be able to present at an incredible birth this morning. Baby Katarina joined us at 9:46 am after a short and simple birth. Her Mamma stayed home and labored until it was time to come to the hospital. She rocked, walked and swayed her way through. She was so calm and collected, it was inspiring. Her water broke in the bathroom and 2 min later Katarina was born weighing almost 9 lbs. Her mamma was a small, thin woman. She literally did not push even once! It was a true testament to Mother Nature and reinforces my knowledge that there is NOTHING a woman's body can not handle. Trust...... it was the theme of the day. Trust her body to work and it will.......

Grand Opening Sale

People will buy ANYTHING!
Why do we spend SOOO much money buying things that are free? Don't know what I am talking about? Think about it....

• On the radio tonight I heard an add for radio and then I started thinking, why are people paying for HD radio, when radio is free?

• Then there is the billions of dollars we spend on bottled water every year.

• We buy DIRT, of all things, at the Home Depot!

• This last weekend I saw people paying money to sit at and Oxygen bar. Don't get me wrong, I am sure that Oxygen makes them feel refreshed and energized, much like going outside and taking a deep breath would!

I started trying to think how I could turn this new revelation into get rich quick scheme but I realized that all the good free stuff is already being packaged, marketed and sold at a premium. So I have decided to start selling peace of mind.

Grand Opening Sale! $19.99 a bushel for Peace of Mind.

Free Shipping if you order in time for Mother's Day!!

Cherry Blossom

We went to the Tidal Basin on Saturday to see the Kite festival and the Cherry blossoms. It was rainy and chilly. The cherry blossoms were goregeous. I remember them from when I was a little kid but it's been a long time. I want to go back one day this week if the weather is nice.

A Lawyer & Scientist Get Hitched!

So it wasn't untill last weekend in Amelia Island Florida that I realized what really makes a wedding perfect. It's not the ice sculptures, fancy dresses or even the band. It is truly the spirit of the day. And there couldnot have been a more perfect wedding for these two. Every single detail was a reflection of the love they shared. The bride had filled little funnles with flower petals to hang on every seat, her aunts and mother carefully created every boquet of orchids and NO detail was over looked. The photographer was fabulous (and I am pretty picky about photographers). It was such an honor to part of their special day.

Job Loss

We just found out that my position at work is being eliminated and they will no longer be offering Doula services. The financial impact on me is minimal because we were moving anyway. But the effect on my psyche is significant. It certainly leaves me (and the 12 other doulas) feeling undervalued and disposable, especially in light of the fact that there were no other layoffs at the hospital. It has been challenging to find the window God has opened as this door is being closed. Some of my coworkers have found it too painful and have chosen to walk away from this work. No one becomes a Doula to get rich and famous. We do it to help women transition into motherhood with grace, dignity and empowerment. We can blame the slumping economy, the fiasco of American Health care or the hospital administrators but it is truly a shameful day when hospitals tell women that it is no longer important that they get the best possible quality of care. Women have the right to informed, empowered birth options. This was one of the largest hospital based Doula programs on the East Coast and we have served thousands of people since the program began. My heart aches to think of the hard work, sweat and soul that was poured into this program by countless doulas over the years..... all wiped away with single stroke of the red pen. I hope that in my lifetime birth is viewed not as a means to ends but rather as a transformative journey to "motherland", a journey which we learn to support, mind body and soul.

Digital

One of my best friends, the Lawyer is getting married Saturday in Florida. I am in the wedding and hubby and I will be flying down Friday. It will be our 1st trip with out kids in 3 years. The Lawyer and our friend, The Baker were at my wedding, The Lawyer and I were in the Baker's wedding and now the The Baker and I are in the The Lawyers wedding. I am lucky to have such great friends. It got me nostalgic for my own wedding (9 years ago!). I went back to my wedding album and it hit me that I got married before digital cameras! I am so OLD! My pictures are SO important to me that I realized I have to get my wedding pictures scanned in so I wont loose them. What a HUGE project. My scanner is not the best so I will need to have it professionally done. When I do, I will share some images from that awesome day. I also realized that in one way or another all of the people that we surrounded ourselves with that day are still a part of our lives today. YEAH!

Aunt Karina

I am headed to the West Coast of Friday to visit my nieces and nephew. I am looking forward to the weather! It has been dreary here lately. I am going by myself so I can help and spend quality time with them for a few days. I am looking forward to playing ALOT with my neices! I love being an Aunt because I get all of the fun and none of the parenting stress. I dont know what I will do with myself on a cross country flight with no diapers to change or noses to wipe. I am so excited!

worst day

I had such a bad day last week. I got 2 speeding tickets in 10 minutes on my way to go pick up my daughter from NJ. She had her first extended sleepover away from us. She came back a bit of a mess having consumed nothing but sugar and not sleeping for 4 days! Then things at work got messy and stressfull. I am not good at compartmentalizing my life and stress from work easily spills over to home. The baby is getting molars and wont stop crying, which really doesn't help on the 4 hour drive to NJ. When the 2nd police office pulled me over, I just lost it and started sobbing. I think he thought I was crazy. He may have breifly considered aresting me for "insanity". The stress of the impending move is also starting to weigh heavily on me. I even called hubby to come home early from work.
At the end of the day I realized that it was the worst day I have had in a VERY long time. I am grateful for this day because it is an opportunity to remind me how good my life really is. If one bad day is all I can remember, then I would say I have it pretty good.
2 speeding tickets - $320
Gas to drive to NJ- $35
Comfort Food- $10
Long Distance hysterical phone call to Friends - $3.20
Remembering how good my life is - priceless

Inauguration

So we took a big risk and decided that we should take all 3 kids to the Inauguration. We knew that there was a chance that this would backfire and be a disaster but we thought it was worth the risk. We stayed at my dad's house in Dupont Circle and walked down to the National Mall before the sunrise. It was cold but we were well prepared. Snacks, long underwear and stickers were our defense from the cold, hunger and boredom. Then we discovered that the American History Museum was open and we ducked in to warm up and use the bathrooms. When we reemerged the sun was shining and the ceremony was begining. It was a great day and the kids did so well. Greg and I were absoluteley exhausted by the end of the 2.5 mile hike back to the car. It was a day I will never forget and I am glad that we took the chance.

Newest Starace

Welcome Roman Jeremiah Starace! The newest California Starace has arrived and he is so cute. I am a lucky Aunt. Marco is thrilled he has another boy cousin to play with.

new favorite movie!

So we have been netflixing (I made up a new verb) lots of movies lately and with hubby trying to brush up on all things Africa we put Out of Africa on the list. It was the best movie. The acting was better than anything I have seen made by hollywood in the last 20 years. The story was not filled with needless sex and violence or CGI effects. It was just a good story with good actors told in the most beautiful place in the world, Kenya. I feel silly that I am almost 30 and have never seen this classic. Don't get me wrong, it's not a movie that the guys are going to sit around watching during poker night but my hubby liked it and it was a good couples movie. It is long so be prepared for a long night and have a box of tissues at hand. You will never look at Meryl Streep and Robert Redford the same way again!

Speidinis

new years is not a bog deal in our family. We never go out. But yesterday I was feeling sad that I didn't have a meaningfull family tradition to pass down to the kids. So I decided to make Speidinis. The recipe comes from hubby's grandma where is was passed down from Italy. They are little meat, cheese and stuffing rolls. They are so good!! They are alot of work to make so his grandma only makes them on New years day and people fight over them, they are so good. We made them on new years eve and I made a vegetarian version with zuccinni for my 4 year old who has decided that she is a vegetarian. All the christmas decorations are down and I am looking forward to the new year and being able to focus on the move to California. I know the summer will be here before I know it!